Tomorrow we are leaving to Hawaii. The big news there is Hurricane Felicia. I called the shuttle service, and the guy did not seem too concerned about the hurricane. Hopefully it will be downgraded to a Tropical Storm once it hits land. We are just hoping that it does not rain all day every day we are there.
When we come back we are going to Catalina Island on Saturday to make wedding plans. Oh, I forgot to mention that I am engaged now. He proposed on July 16th, the 7 year anniversary of when we first met. It was very romantic. We went out to dinner, and then we went home. He tried to throw me off by us being home for a minute. And then we got in the car, and he wanted to blind fold me, but I agreed to close my eyes. We drove for a very long time up a hill, I could tell from the way his car was moving upward. He took me to the Griffith Park Observatory. We looked at the stars, walked around the building and then he introduced me to this guy.
This guy took us around a little bit more, and walked us outside towards the telescopes that were facing the sky. There were lines of people outside with the Observatory workers showing people Jupiter and the moon. We got the V.I.P. treatment, the guy told every one to get out of line. He said that there was something special happening. I had a feeling that something was going to happen.
When we first started dating and we were 3,000 miles apart he bought me a star so no matter where we were, we had the star as a symbol of our relationship. So the guy at the observatory started telling me about my star and where it was located in the sky. He let me look through the telescope to see the star which was located in the Western sky. When I turned around after looking at the star, he was on his knee with the diamond ring.
It was very sweet and nice. He was so nervous because he proposed in front of hundreds of people. His face was so red and he blurted out, "Will you marry me?"
I said of course, and the rest is history. We are engaged and planning a wedding for the future. The next year or so, we are definitely not in a hurry. On Wednesday it will be our 7 year anniversary, and the one year anniversary of his grandfather's death. We will be in Hawaii, hopefully relaxing and not trying to escape being blown away.
~ JB
The term skinny is not only to be used to discuss people in terms of their size, however it is to be considered a way of life. Living a skinny or happy life; being skinny is a state of mind.
August 8, 2009
August 1, 2009
April Cont'd
April 24, 2009
Being organized is one of the toughest things for me. I can get everything to that point, but keeping it like that is a challenge. Recently I've decided to face my challenges head on. At 25, there are just certain things that I don't think I should be doing anymore. People are always so quick to tell me what I did wrong, or how unorganized I am. But I don't think anyone knows how to be helpful or suggest a solution. Its easier for them to criticize people to make themselves feel better. Today I need to be organized.
April 25, 2009
Things are starting to turn around. I am learning to be more appreciative of the life I have, and to be happy with just being alive everyday. Things could be a whole lot worse, and they're not. I thank God for my life with Ernie. He treats me so well. The fact that he loves me for me, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am grateful for that. Its so easy to just give up on things in life, when its not going as planned. But I am headed in the right direction I think. God has given me the tools I need, and the know how on using them. Today I am grateful to know how to use my tools and go in the right direction.
April 26, 2009
Ernie and I have been progressing with the book, slowly but surely. I really thought we were a lot further in, but we were only at page 80 for 3 years. That is only 55 pages done since last year. We need to progress a lot quicker. This year has to be the year that we finally finish the book. I'm ready to be done with it, and to start selling it to an agent. I have all the proper tools to do so. Its time we both know it is. Finishing the book will make me happy.
April 27, 2009
This week is going to be super busy. I need to have strength and tons of rest. We are constantly moving, even when lying or sitting still. All of that motion requires energy. Energy that my hormones have sucked dry. Since it is that time of the month. But I am exhausted with being lazy and tired all the time. Tired is an excuse for laziness. I can't wait for our trip to Florida. We leave on Saturday. Ernie is still stressing about money. Now my aunt said that she will pay for one plane ticket to Hawaii. So Ernie and I will split one, and we both can go. I had put Hawaii so far out of my mind for this year. But its time to live!
April 29, 2009
How easy is it to manipulate someone? To change the entire conversation fitting of that one person. It must depend on how strong of a person one is. So strong to change either the mood or subject. But how can one person be so strong? How can one person have so much power? Lately at work I've been folding. Because its too much to fight back. Too much energy to go back and forth. My whole entire heart is not in it that much. So why should I bother? I have too much going on in my own life. And so does everyone else. What would happen if everyone everywhere just minded their own business? There is really no need to get involved. I find out so much information about others all the time, and I just want to keep it to myself. Let live and Let God. Tonight will be our 3rd church night. Every week lately, come Wednesday I feel like I need to be there. To hear the message. A very important message always. Especially since we're going to Florida this week. I will need to hear the good word to help guide me through.
April 30, 2009
Only one more day of work after today, and then we will be leaving for Florida. I am super excited about this trip. Disney World! I'm just happy to be spending more than 5 hours a day with Ernie. Not having days off together has really put a strain on our relationship. We were both unhappy. Its hard to not see the person you love happy. We only saw each other stressed out all the time after working all day. So this trip will be good for us. We both are in desperate need of a vacation.
April 30, 2009 - Night
Letty told me to build love today. At work as well as at home. Build love! Its hard to build love when you don't feel it all the time. I don't know how I lost the love. I don't know what happened. Its only been 3 weeks since my break down, but I lost love way before that. Why is it that we can't feel the same love anymore? I don't feel like the same person. I feel numb still. We've been going to church, 3 services so far and I'm trying. I know that I need to open myself up some more. For whatever reason I can't. I am trying to be patient. Its so easy for him to turn things off and go about his own music, but I don't have the current capability to just walk away to work on my book. I just want to be down with it. I don't want to need him so much. I hate having to be so dependent on him. He doesn't need me, he doesn't have to turn to me at all. He can just do whatever he wants. I need to be able to work on my own success. I should not have to to depend on others. Now he's coming in here because he's done so I have to drop everything. I am getting fed up with this.
Stay tuned for more....
Being organized is one of the toughest things for me. I can get everything to that point, but keeping it like that is a challenge. Recently I've decided to face my challenges head on. At 25, there are just certain things that I don't think I should be doing anymore. People are always so quick to tell me what I did wrong, or how unorganized I am. But I don't think anyone knows how to be helpful or suggest a solution. Its easier for them to criticize people to make themselves feel better. Today I need to be organized.
April 25, 2009
Things are starting to turn around. I am learning to be more appreciative of the life I have, and to be happy with just being alive everyday. Things could be a whole lot worse, and they're not. I thank God for my life with Ernie. He treats me so well. The fact that he loves me for me, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am grateful for that. Its so easy to just give up on things in life, when its not going as planned. But I am headed in the right direction I think. God has given me the tools I need, and the know how on using them. Today I am grateful to know how to use my tools and go in the right direction.
April 26, 2009
Ernie and I have been progressing with the book, slowly but surely. I really thought we were a lot further in, but we were only at page 80 for 3 years. That is only 55 pages done since last year. We need to progress a lot quicker. This year has to be the year that we finally finish the book. I'm ready to be done with it, and to start selling it to an agent. I have all the proper tools to do so. Its time we both know it is. Finishing the book will make me happy.
April 27, 2009
This week is going to be super busy. I need to have strength and tons of rest. We are constantly moving, even when lying or sitting still. All of that motion requires energy. Energy that my hormones have sucked dry. Since it is that time of the month. But I am exhausted with being lazy and tired all the time. Tired is an excuse for laziness. I can't wait for our trip to Florida. We leave on Saturday. Ernie is still stressing about money. Now my aunt said that she will pay for one plane ticket to Hawaii. So Ernie and I will split one, and we both can go. I had put Hawaii so far out of my mind for this year. But its time to live!
April 29, 2009
How easy is it to manipulate someone? To change the entire conversation fitting of that one person. It must depend on how strong of a person one is. So strong to change either the mood or subject. But how can one person be so strong? How can one person have so much power? Lately at work I've been folding. Because its too much to fight back. Too much energy to go back and forth. My whole entire heart is not in it that much. So why should I bother? I have too much going on in my own life. And so does everyone else. What would happen if everyone everywhere just minded their own business? There is really no need to get involved. I find out so much information about others all the time, and I just want to keep it to myself. Let live and Let God. Tonight will be our 3rd church night. Every week lately, come Wednesday I feel like I need to be there. To hear the message. A very important message always. Especially since we're going to Florida this week. I will need to hear the good word to help guide me through.
April 30, 2009
Only one more day of work after today, and then we will be leaving for Florida. I am super excited about this trip. Disney World! I'm just happy to be spending more than 5 hours a day with Ernie. Not having days off together has really put a strain on our relationship. We were both unhappy. Its hard to not see the person you love happy. We only saw each other stressed out all the time after working all day. So this trip will be good for us. We both are in desperate need of a vacation.
April 30, 2009 - Night
Letty told me to build love today. At work as well as at home. Build love! Its hard to build love when you don't feel it all the time. I don't know how I lost the love. I don't know what happened. Its only been 3 weeks since my break down, but I lost love way before that. Why is it that we can't feel the same love anymore? I don't feel like the same person. I feel numb still. We've been going to church, 3 services so far and I'm trying. I know that I need to open myself up some more. For whatever reason I can't. I am trying to be patient. Its so easy for him to turn things off and go about his own music, but I don't have the current capability to just walk away to work on my book. I just want to be down with it. I don't want to need him so much. I hate having to be so dependent on him. He doesn't need me, he doesn't have to turn to me at all. He can just do whatever he wants. I need to be able to work on my own success. I should not have to to depend on others. Now he's coming in here because he's done so I have to drop everything. I am getting fed up with this.
Stay tuned for more....
Untitled
I know its been a while, but I was going through some things. I have been writing in my journal just not typing on my blog. But I have decided to merge the two because its too difficult to go back and try to tell all of you what has been happening.
I will start with my last blog entry:
From my journal
April 18, 2009
Today I blogged for the first time since March 28th. My life took a turn after that so it is understandable as to why I could not blog. Writing frees me from my mind. Everything that I think comes out in words on paper, or on my computer. My mind is then cleared and freed. I wish I could live my own life freer, I would probably be so much happier. I am ready for my new life. Life without fear, failure and a freer self. I can't be afraid anymore. I refuse. No more dwelling on the past. Time to move forward.
April 19, 2009
I am starting to feel like my old self, with a new attitude. Yesterday Yazmin came over, we laid out by the pool. I talked to Christian and Ernie's parents about our upcoming trip to Florida. We are going May 2nd. And we are going to Disney World, the happiest place on earth. I just have to be happy there right? I just want everything to work out right now. I can't fail. As long as I remove failure from any and every situation, then I have to succeed.
April 20, 2009
Why are there so many decisions to be made? Life is a struggle right now. The economy is not making it easy for people to do things. Its hard for us to make the next moves in life. We have only gone to church once so far, and I still feel lost, yet people expect me to have all the answer right now, and I don't. Not after only one week. We both know what we need to do, but it takes money and patience to reach that point. God does not deliver all of the answers right away. He delivers when He wants to. And usually its not when you want them. I know what I want in life, and that is what my focus should be. Not all of this other bull shit. I just wish it could be so simple. I wish that Ernie and I didn't have to go our separate ways, not splitting up, but as far as our career paths and goals. That should be each of our focuses. We know that our situation needs to be changed. I feel like maybe we are just holding on because we love each other so much. When in actuality loosing one another would probably be the best thing for our careers. I think we both know that but how can we do that? We've become so dependent on one another over the years. I can't picture my life without him at all. Breaking up is so hard to do. Its like we need to either obtain our individual goals and dreams together or a part. Which one would be more beneficial? Which one will lead us to the path of success? Alone or together? That is what I need God to tell me. Please help me decide which way is best for both of us. Letting go of the one true love I've ever had to obtain my dreams or allowing the relationship to suffer to obtain my dreams. Please guide me in the right direction.
April 21, 2009
Yesterday was a good day. I accomplished a lot. We worked out, ate dinner and worked on the book. People are beginning to distract me from the task at hand. My friends want to spend all of their time with me. Its not that I don't want to but when I have things to do, they don't understand. They are forcing themselves on me. I can't deal with it. I am sick and tired of people forcing themselves on me. Their values, their beliefs and thoughts. How do they know what is right for me when I don't know what is right for me?
April 23, 2009
Last night was our second church night. It was good. He talked about finding that goodness inside of ourselves. He said to be an artist in your everyday life no matter what the situation is. The world is like your masterpiece. You live in what you create in each moment. He said not to worry about what others are doing or saying, but to just lift your head up high above it all and bring out the greatness that is already inside of us. Unfortunately we are so intoxicated with other people's worries or struggles that our own struggles become theirs as well. I think about the people who I am surrounded by, and most of them are very selfish and self-centered. Getting past all of that is the true struggle. But I can't worry about others as much. I feel like every one comes to me with their issues, meanwhile I've ignored my own. I have lost my inner happiness and peace and became so distracted by this economy. This economy that has our hands tied. My canvas got cluttered, my life became depressed. I have to get out of this rut and see the bigger picture of life. The picture that I am just waiting to paint.
I will start with my last blog entry:
From my journal
April 18, 2009
Today I blogged for the first time since March 28th. My life took a turn after that so it is understandable as to why I could not blog. Writing frees me from my mind. Everything that I think comes out in words on paper, or on my computer. My mind is then cleared and freed. I wish I could live my own life freer, I would probably be so much happier. I am ready for my new life. Life without fear, failure and a freer self. I can't be afraid anymore. I refuse. No more dwelling on the past. Time to move forward.
April 19, 2009
I am starting to feel like my old self, with a new attitude. Yesterday Yazmin came over, we laid out by the pool. I talked to Christian and Ernie's parents about our upcoming trip to Florida. We are going May 2nd. And we are going to Disney World, the happiest place on earth. I just have to be happy there right? I just want everything to work out right now. I can't fail. As long as I remove failure from any and every situation, then I have to succeed.
April 20, 2009
Why are there so many decisions to be made? Life is a struggle right now. The economy is not making it easy for people to do things. Its hard for us to make the next moves in life. We have only gone to church once so far, and I still feel lost, yet people expect me to have all the answer right now, and I don't. Not after only one week. We both know what we need to do, but it takes money and patience to reach that point. God does not deliver all of the answers right away. He delivers when He wants to. And usually its not when you want them. I know what I want in life, and that is what my focus should be. Not all of this other bull shit. I just wish it could be so simple. I wish that Ernie and I didn't have to go our separate ways, not splitting up, but as far as our career paths and goals. That should be each of our focuses. We know that our situation needs to be changed. I feel like maybe we are just holding on because we love each other so much. When in actuality loosing one another would probably be the best thing for our careers. I think we both know that but how can we do that? We've become so dependent on one another over the years. I can't picture my life without him at all. Breaking up is so hard to do. Its like we need to either obtain our individual goals and dreams together or a part. Which one would be more beneficial? Which one will lead us to the path of success? Alone or together? That is what I need God to tell me. Please help me decide which way is best for both of us. Letting go of the one true love I've ever had to obtain my dreams or allowing the relationship to suffer to obtain my dreams. Please guide me in the right direction.
April 21, 2009
Yesterday was a good day. I accomplished a lot. We worked out, ate dinner and worked on the book. People are beginning to distract me from the task at hand. My friends want to spend all of their time with me. Its not that I don't want to but when I have things to do, they don't understand. They are forcing themselves on me. I can't deal with it. I am sick and tired of people forcing themselves on me. Their values, their beliefs and thoughts. How do they know what is right for me when I don't know what is right for me?
April 23, 2009
Last night was our second church night. It was good. He talked about finding that goodness inside of ourselves. He said to be an artist in your everyday life no matter what the situation is. The world is like your masterpiece. You live in what you create in each moment. He said not to worry about what others are doing or saying, but to just lift your head up high above it all and bring out the greatness that is already inside of us. Unfortunately we are so intoxicated with other people's worries or struggles that our own struggles become theirs as well. I think about the people who I am surrounded by, and most of them are very selfish and self-centered. Getting past all of that is the true struggle. But I can't worry about others as much. I feel like every one comes to me with their issues, meanwhile I've ignored my own. I have lost my inner happiness and peace and became so distracted by this economy. This economy that has our hands tied. My canvas got cluttered, my life became depressed. I have to get out of this rut and see the bigger picture of life. The picture that I am just waiting to paint.
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