Found the bullet...

Today I found the bullet
The bullet that went in to the chest of our building's maintenance guy yesterday
He was shot and killed just for entering the apartment
He was shot for going to fix something
Something that he was told to fix
Today I found the bullet

I found the bullet that my cousin was accused of shooting at an off duty cop
When he was caught in his apartment
Breaking and entering
He is now doing life for attempted murder
Today I found the bullet

The bullet that shot Tupac and Biggie...
The bullet that took both of their lives
I also found the bullet that took the life of Martin Luther King Jr.
And the bullet that was going to be used on Obama
Today I found them all
The bullets were just all lying there
Together
In one place

I couldn't believe it
Now if only I had a huge magnet
To take them all back
To reverse what happened
But then, I would have to travel the country to take back the bullets of all the lives that have
been lost to gun violence
It would take me more than one day
To get back all those bullets
Today, I found the bullets
The bullets that destroyed men
The bullets that gave some power
And yet took away the power of others

Because what is a gun without the bullet

January's 20 Questions

1. Will the world really end in 2012?
2. If so, then isn't it ironic that we get a black President now?
3. Why are people already talking shit about the economy vs. how many days Obama has been in office? He's not a magician
4. Speaking of which, is it really a good idea to close Guantanamo Bay?
5. How long will the cease-fire really last in the middle east?
6. With Circuit City closing down, are you going to go out and buy a new television?
7. Speaking of which, did you know that Gap, Lane Bryant, Mrs. Field's cookies and other retailers are closing too?
8. It's nice that the president of Yahoo decided to not give any one a raise this year to save money, but since she's only been there a week, is it necessary that her salary is $38 million a year?
9. Does anyone else see anything wrong with that picture?
10. Am I really having a quarter life crisis?
11. What is going to happen with all the unemployed in California, when the state is out of money next week?
12. Why are people not ready to do whatever it takes to keep California a float?
13. Why are certain Californian's blaming Obama for the increase in the state's wine tax?
14. Last I checked, the Terminator was our governor, who made our decisions... why does the black man get blamed for everything?
15. In 2012, when the sun eclipses the milky way galaxy, where will you be hiding?
16. Can this world be saved?
17. Do you really want to know what Obama does every second of every day?
18. If not, then why is the media constantly telling us?
19. Was this the fist inauguration that you've ever watched?
20. Would you have cared as much, if it was another white man?

Martin Luther King Jr.

I just have two things to say....Number 1 - A white woman asked me if today was a holiday, because all the banks were closed and traffic was light. She said that she never heard of this day.

Number 2 - A white woman told me today, "Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day"....really?

I have a dream speech below

Notorious

So last night my boyfriend and I went to see Notorious, the alleged biopic movie of the late Christopher (Notorious B.I.G.) Wallace's life. Growing up on the West Coast I didn't get to learn that much about Biggie. I hardly listened to his music. Honestly I was only 12 when he died. I listened to Tupac a lot, but mostly after he died as well. My mother didn't want me to listen to rap music when I was younger, she thought that everything was ho this and bitch that. I had to show her that Tupac wasn't always calling women bitches and hos, he had a message a lot of the times.

However, Biggie's music was more raunchy most of the time, so I didn't pay attention to his music. When the whole East vs. West started, of course I fell in to it, because of my location, Los Angeles, CA. With all that being said, I was excited to see the movie about B.I.G. I wanted to see what sparked the Lil' Kim and Faith Evans feud, and I figured since mostly everyone who was there with Biggie was interviewed and had a say in the film, that I would be able to see everything. However, through out the 2 hours and 2 minutes of the movie, you only get to see faces made or eyes rolled in one scene between Faith and Kim. They are never seen talking shit about each other, and Kim was never heard rhyming about Faith. It was just as if they settled their score that one and only time they were in the same room as each other. I've heard plenty of rumors, I mean who hasn't, but I was hoping that the truth would be shown and put those rumors to rest. I guess Kim was fucking Biggie all along, even after he was married to Faith. But Biggie is only shown cheating on Faith once, and its not with Kim.

I was glad to see that they portrayed the friendship that Tupac and Biggie had, before the rivalry or beef started. However, I didn't even realize that the guy who played Pac, was actually who he was supposed to be. Besides the main characters, Big, Diddy, and Faith, no one looked like their counterparts. I guess they tried to do their best on casting, but it was confusing trying to figure out who everyone was, without their names being mentioned first. Luckily from watching the Pac documentary, and from just reading everything that was in the media, you might have had a sense of what is going on, but like I said I was only 12 in 1997. So I didn't pay attention to all the stories that were going on at the time, I was too young. Many of the people that were in the theater with us, were younger than me. High school students, so they couldn't possibly have known what was going on then.

One of the major things that stood out to me, is the fact that Diddy portrayed himself to be such an angel. He was this father figure, who took care of Biggie and looked out for him, and never did anything wrong, EVER. I know the film wasn't about him, but he was just so perfect. He didn't smoke cigars or blunts, he was barely shown drinking alcohol. I know that he was 4 years older than Christopher, but still, he didn't fuck around with any ladies. It seemed like anything that showed Diddy negatively, whether it dealt with Big or not, was completely skipped over. They had 2 hours!

Even when the whole East vs West started, after 2pac got shot in the studio in NY, and Biggie was accused of planning the whole thing, Diddy, movie Diddy, didn't say anything negative about the whole thing. I know that he was not responsible for the beef, but in the film they showed Big wanted to squash it early on, before it got started, but Diddy was like, no don't call him, this will all blow over. When it didn't blow over, and Suge Knight talked shit at the Source Awards, about producers dancing in the videos, and saying shit on tracks, Diddy didn't have anything bad to say back. I find it hard to believe that he remained so innocent during the whole East vs West. I guess from the eyes of Diddy, he didn't do or say anything to provoke things. It just seemed so odd to me that Diddy and Biggie never even talked about anything regarding the beef, in the film.

The character that played Big, Jamal Woolard did a good job, in my opinion. Its not easy playing a character who you were never around, or got to actually meet. This kid never acted a day in his life. He did a great job. I feel like the way Big's mom, Violetta Wallace and Diddy wanted Biggie to be portrayed, was maybe interpreted differently by Jamal. Like I said before, I didn't know much about him, but even Jamal's portrayal of him was almost angelic in some scenes. He did sleep around without remorse, but then when the women got pregnant he was ready to step up and become a man, at such a young age. The whole movie he was just trying to be a man, I guess that is what happens to young boys who don't have a father figure around. However, towards the end of his life, when he was in Los Angeles promoting his album, they made it seem like he had so many epiphanies. All of a sudden he wanted his whole family, his kids, his mom out in Cali with him. He called Lil' Kim to make up with her, and he made up with Faith for a minute, because they were split up at this time. He was on top of his game. He was a man, all of a sudden, at 24. Then he was shot and died. It just seemed so ironic that he became a man when he was about to die. I felt like towards the end, before he died, that whole scene was an interpretation.

Its hard to know what was real or fake. I am so much more confused about the life of Biggie than I was before the movie came out. I was happier with the rumors that I heard, and from talking to my boyfriend, who is from NY and who was 21 when B.I.G. died. Tonight we're going to watch the documentary of Notorious, which has been on BET. Hopefully that will clear up things in my mind.

One last sort of funny thing, the character that played Lil' Cease, looked nothing like him. I didn't even know who he was at first. It would have been nice if whenever they showed a person, they took a quick second to scroll their name across the scree, because I had NO CLUE who half those people were, and I still don't know. But look at the pictures below, on the left is the kid who played Lil' Cease and on the right, the actual Cease. They could have found or used someone else who looked more like him. At least that is what I think.

Power

I watched The Other Boleyn Girl the other night, and if you haven't seen it yet, you should. Its about Henry Tudor VIII and the two Boleyn girls who battle for his affection, as his mistresses, and one becomes his queen. The one sister, played by Natalie Portman, becomes his Queen by using the only power she has, sex. She held out, until she was sure that he would make her his queen, however he ended up just taking it from her. Her power was sex. I started thinking about the power that women have. Unless we have millions of dollars, and are the heads of something, we are completely powerless. Women have power over each other, but when it comes to men, sex is our only power. There are over 31 definitions for the word power and 48 laws of power, and women only have one? That doesn't add up to me. I think women need to figure out other powers that they can have, besides sexual ones, or caddy power over other women.

I love the 48 laws of power, although it was originally written by Niccolo Machiavelli, in his work, The Prince, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince. I never realized how important having power is, until I learned about the 48 laws 4 years ago. The laws can be applied to just about anything in your everyday life. I think as a woman, having power is important. Not just power over others, but over yourself, sort of like self control. For example:

Law 1 - Never outshine the master - Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

I apply that law to my job everyday. Although my boss trained me, and she has been in the business longer than myself, I am still quicker than she is. I notice little mistakes that she makes all the time, but I don't say anything. I let her see her own mistakes, because I feel like she will think I'm being a smart ass if I say something to her. Not only that, you don't want your boss to think that she/he can be replaced by you, even though the possibility is so great, especially the way the economy is going.

Law 4 - Always say less than necessary - When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

That law is about self control most definitely. I used to just talk and talk and talk and randomly say whatever was on my mind. But I noticed people's expressions and I started feeling stupid. It wasn't that the things I said were stupid, just pointless, or unnecessary. It took me a while to get my mouth under control. The number one thing that I used to get in trouble for, while in school, was running my mouth. But you are more powerful, when you are quiet, because people start wondering what you're thinking. And when you do say something, it seems profound, because it took you a while to think about it. Then people hang on your every word. This is good amongst associates, not friends, just associates and even in dealing with guys.

Last but certainly not least, one of my most favorite law.

Law 10 - Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky - You can die from someone else's misery - emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Have you ever noticed how the mood can change whenever a certain person is in the room? An unhappy person, someone who everyone knows is usually a Debbie downer, you need to avoid that person. You don't realize how quickly you can fall into other people's negativity. It is so easy. One person says something mean, you say something mean back. It can just continue into something that you don't want to be involved in. Seriously think about your own life. It is time to be somewhat selfish, and not worry about anyone else. Other people's issues, drama and unhappiness is not your own. You don't have to be down because they are. But it is so easy to be like that. Just continue to be happy. Get away from that person, or if you can't avoid them physically, then block them out. Start doing something that makes you happy, or that can occupy your time while you are around that person. This is still one of the hardest powers for me to learn. I have struggled with this one in the past, and I am started to get a handle on it. However, it is not easy.

To read more about the 48 laws of power, you can either purchase the book at Barnes and Noble or wherever, or get the abridged version like me from the below link.

http://www2.tech.purdue.edu/cgt/courses/cgt411/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm

~ JB

The Biggest Loser

We're doing the biggest loser at work, to kick off the new year. Everyone set their goals, weight goals or just how we want to look in our clothes. My goal was to be the same size I was Summer 2006. We decided to do our weigh in at the end of the every month, instead of once a week. Once a week weigh-ins are too stressful.

E and I are going to Florida and to Hawaii this year, so I need to look decent in a bikini. Not that I would look bad now, but I want to get back down to 120lbs. That was what I was a few years ago, and I liked being that size. However I will settle for 125. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for wanting to loose weight, and so does everyone else, but I feel like I need to be comfortable. Just because someone looks skinny, doesn't mean they are happy with the way they look in a bikini. Being bikini ready takes a lot of work. Lots of cardio, ab work, and a little bit of weight lifting, as well as squats for my thighs and calves. I like to look toned all around, not just toned abs or arms. I think everything should be equal, even with guys. I hate guys that are scrawny or they have too many muscles, just in their arms, and the rest of them is skinny or out of shape.


I think women should be like that too. Unfortunately guys loose weight so much quicker than women. Well its unfortunate for me, because my boyfriend lost 16lbs since September. And its not that I am not happy for him, but I have gone up and down loosing 1 to 2lbs here and there. Its so frustrating for me, to loose weight. I don't have much weight to loose, but the little bit that I want to loose is taking forever. I'm also planning on cutting out sugar and carbs for one day a week. I'm thinking Sundays, because when I'm home, I don't really eat that much. I don't start eating everything in the fridge, believe it or not. I try to stay busy, and do other things on Sundays. Its my relaxing day.


I know a lot of people make loosing weight their main new year's resolution, but they don't stick to it. So I didn't plan that to be my resolution, but I just want to do it for me, and for my vacations/bikini's.

~JB

Quarter Life Crisis - Part 1

I know that people think that you can only have a mid-life crisis, but I am telling you, I am having a quarter life crisis. I will be 25 in April, and I've already had a mini-break down. First what I have to say may or may not shock you, but I was in the hospital in November and literally bed ridden for almost two months. Basically the doctors told me, after not knowing what was wrong with me in the emergency room, to telling me that I was having pains from ovulation. My ovaries were actually causing me pain. I don't know how else to explain it. Its like my body was telling me to have a child. According to the doctor, and from what I've read online, my body wants a baby. I'm almost 25 and I have never had a child, so my body has prepared itself, for a child. My hormones were all out of whack, and I was in so much pain. I could barely walk. I had three cysts on my pelvic area, around my ovaries, in my tubes, everything. Wherever the babies come from, I felt soreness, and pain. And there was a cyst there from November until a few weeks ago.


I can't tell you how painful and terrible this experience was. I felt like my body was attacking me. This is my step one in my crisis. I say that because most, when they hit 50, start falling apart. Their bodies change, and my body definitely changed. I saw three different doctors, because I never had something like that happen to me. Plus the fact that I had cysts, I thought immediately that maybe I could have cancer, except for the pain. I had a lot of time to think while I laid down for days and weeks, because I couldn't walk. I just thought about my life, and the things that I wanted to have accomplished by now, but I haven't been able to .


Sometimes thinking too much leads to more problems, because you just worry about things that can't be controlled. That is what lead me to a part of my New Year's Resolution, just the fact that I need to stop worrying about the things I can't control, for instance my ovulation pain. Well, it has been controlled now, with a daily pill, but before, who would have ever thought that was going to happen. This is just part 1 of my quarter life crisis.

The Single Life

I have never officially lived the life of a single girl, because when I was actually old enough to enjoy it, I was in a relationship. So when I talk to my single friends, I don't always understand what they are going through, and why they are in such a rush to be in a relationship. I feel like if I was single, then I would take care of myself and my business better, in all actuality. I would have more time for myself, as opposed to constantly worrying about someone else. I don't want to be single, especially not now, because I love my boyfriend so much, but sometimes I feel like a single girl trapped inside of a relationship. And not even single in the sense of dating and sleeping with different men. In my opinion, that is not what the essence of single life is.

Single women, from what I have noticed, are usually on the prowl for a man. To me, being single, is about getting your self together. Handling your business and being extra confident, because all you have to worry about is you. I've also noticed that when women obsess about being with someone, or finding someone. The rare times when I was single, I don't remember worrying about being in a relationship. I guess because its one of the things that I don't have to worry about, then I do try to focus on myself somewhat. I just wish that more single women would take advantage of the single life.

They should focus on themselves. I've seen both sides of the single life from two different friends. My one friend, who was newly single out of a 5 year relationship, never ever looked for a man. She enjoyed her single life. She exercised, worked 24/7 and became a real catch. If I was a guy, I would look at her and think, okay, this woman has her shit together. She is making money, she looks good, she doesn't even need a man. And guess what, after being single for 2 1/2 years, single and happy, might I add, a guy started asking her out. She didn't jump right in to his arms either, she made him work for 6 months, because she didn't want to be tied down. But now, they have been dated for 2 years, however, I think she was happier single.

Basically, I think single woman shouldn't concern themselves with finding a man, it lets off a sense of desperation, which men can smell miles and miles away. But because my friend didn't care about finding a guy, and never really talked about, she ended up having someone chasing her. Even when I met my boyfriend, I didn't pay attention to him much. However, he paid attention to me.

Its probably harder for me to understand the single life, since I am not in that situation, but I do see what works for some people, and what doesn't work for others. I love my independence, but I also love coming home to someone, and going to bed next to someone. The further I get away from that single life, and I'm deep in a 7 year relationship, the more independent I am coming, if that makes sense.

My boyfriend and I, both have activities outside of our relationship and outside of work, to keep us totally busy and separate from each other. But its good to have something else to do besides sitting in each other's faces all night long. Ah, the single life is a mystery. A mystery that I don't think any woman can ever fully understand. But as long as you stay in love and taking care of yourself, then you have nothing to worry about, as far as finding a man. And don't actively look for one, he will spot you out of a crowd if you have your shit together. Not the other way around. I don't think any woman should ever chase after a man. We are the acceptors, not the chasers. If he asks us out, we either accept or decline. That is it...