Quarter Life Crisis - Part 1

I know that people think that you can only have a mid-life crisis, but I am telling you, I am having a quarter life crisis. I will be 25 in April, and I've already had a mini-break down. First what I have to say may or may not shock you, but I was in the hospital in November and literally bed ridden for almost two months. Basically the doctors told me, after not knowing what was wrong with me in the emergency room, to telling me that I was having pains from ovulation. My ovaries were actually causing me pain. I don't know how else to explain it. Its like my body was telling me to have a child. According to the doctor, and from what I've read online, my body wants a baby. I'm almost 25 and I have never had a child, so my body has prepared itself, for a child. My hormones were all out of whack, and I was in so much pain. I could barely walk. I had three cysts on my pelvic area, around my ovaries, in my tubes, everything. Wherever the babies come from, I felt soreness, and pain. And there was a cyst there from November until a few weeks ago.


I can't tell you how painful and terrible this experience was. I felt like my body was attacking me. This is my step one in my crisis. I say that because most, when they hit 50, start falling apart. Their bodies change, and my body definitely changed. I saw three different doctors, because I never had something like that happen to me. Plus the fact that I had cysts, I thought immediately that maybe I could have cancer, except for the pain. I had a lot of time to think while I laid down for days and weeks, because I couldn't walk. I just thought about my life, and the things that I wanted to have accomplished by now, but I haven't been able to .


Sometimes thinking too much leads to more problems, because you just worry about things that can't be controlled. That is what lead me to a part of my New Year's Resolution, just the fact that I need to stop worrying about the things I can't control, for instance my ovulation pain. Well, it has been controlled now, with a daily pill, but before, who would have ever thought that was going to happen. This is just part 1 of my quarter life crisis.

The Single Life

I have never officially lived the life of a single girl, because when I was actually old enough to enjoy it, I was in a relationship. So when I talk to my single friends, I don't always understand what they are going through, and why they are in such a rush to be in a relationship. I feel like if I was single, then I would take care of myself and my business better, in all actuality. I would have more time for myself, as opposed to constantly worrying about someone else. I don't want to be single, especially not now, because I love my boyfriend so much, but sometimes I feel like a single girl trapped inside of a relationship. And not even single in the sense of dating and sleeping with different men. In my opinion, that is not what the essence of single life is.

Single women, from what I have noticed, are usually on the prowl for a man. To me, being single, is about getting your self together. Handling your business and being extra confident, because all you have to worry about is you. I've also noticed that when women obsess about being with someone, or finding someone. The rare times when I was single, I don't remember worrying about being in a relationship. I guess because its one of the things that I don't have to worry about, then I do try to focus on myself somewhat. I just wish that more single women would take advantage of the single life.

They should focus on themselves. I've seen both sides of the single life from two different friends. My one friend, who was newly single out of a 5 year relationship, never ever looked for a man. She enjoyed her single life. She exercised, worked 24/7 and became a real catch. If I was a guy, I would look at her and think, okay, this woman has her shit together. She is making money, she looks good, she doesn't even need a man. And guess what, after being single for 2 1/2 years, single and happy, might I add, a guy started asking her out. She didn't jump right in to his arms either, she made him work for 6 months, because she didn't want to be tied down. But now, they have been dated for 2 years, however, I think she was happier single.

Basically, I think single woman shouldn't concern themselves with finding a man, it lets off a sense of desperation, which men can smell miles and miles away. But because my friend didn't care about finding a guy, and never really talked about, she ended up having someone chasing her. Even when I met my boyfriend, I didn't pay attention to him much. However, he paid attention to me.

Its probably harder for me to understand the single life, since I am not in that situation, but I do see what works for some people, and what doesn't work for others. I love my independence, but I also love coming home to someone, and going to bed next to someone. The further I get away from that single life, and I'm deep in a 7 year relationship, the more independent I am coming, if that makes sense.

My boyfriend and I, both have activities outside of our relationship and outside of work, to keep us totally busy and separate from each other. But its good to have something else to do besides sitting in each other's faces all night long. Ah, the single life is a mystery. A mystery that I don't think any woman can ever fully understand. But as long as you stay in love and taking care of yourself, then you have nothing to worry about, as far as finding a man. And don't actively look for one, he will spot you out of a crowd if you have your shit together. Not the other way around. I don't think any woman should ever chase after a man. We are the acceptors, not the chasers. If he asks us out, we either accept or decline. That is it...

Love

Last year my new year's resolution was to love myself more. I felt like I wasn't taking care of myself. I didn't care how I looked because I was constantly working. I never got sick because I didn't have time to get sick. Not only did I not take care of myself, but I also constantly had negative thoughts. I never took the time to look around and be thankful for my life and for what I had. So I not only wanted to love myself more, but I needed to appreciate and love my life. I wanted to think more positively about everything. I got tired of being down on myself and others especially. I was always involved in other people's drama and in other people's business. I obsessed and fed off of people's negative energy. At the time I worked at the PR agency with 55 women, and they all thought they were too fat, too ugly, too skinny, too this or too that. I got caught up in that Los Angeles drama, the drama of not being happy with yourself and constantly worrying about how that can be changed.

As 2008 pushed on I noticed the change in myself. I became happy with myself and happy with my life. I slowly stopped worrying about others, and it took a lot for me to detach myself from others. People may think its fucked up or whatever, but I had to detach from others. I couldn't talk to people or deal with them. I stopped dealing with others drama. I felt like Mary J. Blige, with no more drama in my life. I not only transformed, but I cemented my change with a tattoo. My very first tattoo ever, on my right wrist, love in Kanji.

So now, after the transformation of me loving my self more and taking better care of myself, I had to think about my new New Year's resolution for 2009. I thought about what someone told me last year. I was told that I don't live in the moment, and that I constantly live in the future. I am always making plans and thinking about the next step in life. If you don't believe me, I already have 4 vacations planned and damn near paid for, for 2009. I don't know who else does that, but I even have outfit ideas for each separate vacation. That is just the way my mind works. But I would like to live in the present, and to enjoy the now. I don't know why I always think about the future and just constantly worry about it. I need to turn off that part of my brain, and just be here, present. I feel like I'm constantly dreaming, and off in another world. So resolution number one, is to live in the now. Resolution number two is to live my life to the fullest and to further enjoy every moment that I am alive and awake.

I know it seems like something so simple, but honestly for me it is not that easy to just let go. I will admit to being a bit of a control freak, so to let go and to just be, will be a difficult task for me. I have never been able to let go, because I was afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what would happen if someone else took control, or if the ball wasn't in my court. So that is my resolution, to live in the moment and to enjoy every single moment of my life. I do want to get another tattoo to commemorate this new moment in my life, but we shall see what happens.

I am also turning 25 in 2009, and I know that it seems so super young, but I think I'm have a quarter life crisis. I can't believe that I will be 25. Its another part of my controlling, because I thought that I knew for sure where I would be and what I would be doing at this point in my life, however, I'm not there yet. So that is what makes me so nervous about turning 25. I have never been the type of person who just floated through life without a thought or a care in the world. I had plans for my future when I was 9 years old. I was on the way to my goals at 13. But somewhere along the way, when life hit me smack in the face, I got stuck. Not stuck because of me, I still have my dreams, goals and ambitions, and I know that I will carry them out, but I assumed that I would be half way there already. I guess I put too much pressure on myself. But that can be changed through my resolution. Through living in the moment and taking care of my life on a day to day basis, as opposed to on a month by month or year to year basis. I skip part A and go all the way to part D, without ever getting a handle on part A. So wish me luck in my endeavors and on my New Year's Resolution, and I will support you on yours.

Happy New Year and here is to a prosperous and wonderful 2009!

Bryant, Gasol lead Lakers past Celtics 92-83

....I am so happy the Lakers won....Merry Christmas to me!!!!!

By JOHN NADEL, AP Sports Writer

LOS ANGELES (AP)—The six-month wait is over. The Los Angeles Lakers can put the anguish of losing the NBA finals to the Boston Celtics and the embarrassment over the way the series ended behind them.

Kobe Bryant had 27 points, nine rebounds and five assists, Pau Gasol scored seven of his 20 points in the final three minutes, and the Lakers used a strong finish to beat Boston 92-83 Thursday, snapping the Celtics’ franchise-record 19-game winning streak.

The game was the first between the teams since the Celtics romped to a 131-92 victory in Game 6 of the finals last June to win their first championship in 22 years and league-high 17th title. The Lakers blew a 24-point second-quarter lead in Game 4 at Staples Center to fall behind 3-1—a deficit that’s never been overcome in the finals.

The teams have been archrivals since the 1960s, having met 11 times in the finals, with the Celtics going 9-2.

“We’ve been waiting for that opportunity for a long time, and we won,” said Lakers guard Sasha Vujacic, who scored 10 points. “I don’t like them at all. A lot of people called us softies or whatever. It doesn’t matter at all. We know what we can do.

“Last year, they won the championship. This year, it’s our year, we want to take it all the way.”

The victory was the 1,000th for Los Angeles’ Phil Jackson, enabling him to become the sixth NBA coach to reach that milestone. The 63-year-old Jackson has a career record of 1,000-423 in 17-plus seasons as coach of the Chicago Bulls and Lakers. He became the fastest to win 1,000 games, surpassing Pat Riley, who did it in 1,434 games.

“It’s amazing. I mean, he’s one of the greatest coaches of all time,” Celtics coach Doc Rivers said. “I can guarantee you that I won’t win 1,000 games because I won’t be around that long. It’s just an amazing number. When you throw up 1,000 wins, that says a lot.”

The Celtics entered with a 27-2 record—the fastest start by a two-loss team. They were in pretty good shape when Kevin Garnett dunked off a feed from Rajon Rondo to put them ahead 81-79 with 3:57 remaining. But the Lakers went on a 13-2 run to finish the game.

“Give them all the credit,” said Boston’s Paul Pierce, who had 20 points and 10 rebounds but was scoreless in the fourth quarter. “We just have to play better down the stretch.”

Gasol missed his first four shots, and showed frustration at times. But he made all three of his shots and all three of his free throws in the fourth quarter for nine of his team’s 21 points.

“We were pretty physical,” said Gasol, who had three rebounds, five assists and three blocked shots. “We were able to contain them, keep our poise and finish the game off. I had to make sure I took it to them, not settle for easy jumpers. I’m glad I was able to get over that hump of a slow start.

“It shows we can beat anybody. Hopefully, we’ll build on it.”

Jackson said the Lakers played excellent defense in the fourth quarter, when they held the Celtics to 16 points. Boston shot 8-of-19 and was 0-for-7 on 3-pointers in the final period.

“I’m really happy with Pau,” Jackson said. “He stepped up in that fourth quarter and we really needed him.”

Lamar Odom had 10 points and seven rebounds for the Lakers (24-5), who won their 12th straight game at home, where they’re 15-1. Andrew Bynum, who missed most of last season and the playoffs with an injured knee, had nine points and seven rebounds.

Garnett shot 11-of-14 in leading the Celtics (27-3) with 22 points and nine rebounds. Ray Allen scored 14, but went 2-of-11 after making his first three shots. Rondo was held to six points, shooting 3-of-11, but had 12 assists.

“They played great, give them credit,” Rivers said. “For a team that has been phenomenal down a stretch of games, I didn’t think we were very good tonight. We’ve been as composed as any team that I’ve seen in a long time, and I thought quite honestly that we lost it a little bit at the end.”

A 15-foot jumper by Gasol with 2:48 left snapped an 81-all tie and put the Lakers ahead for good. Allen’s 3-pointer failed, and Gasol scored from close range off an assist from Bryant with two minutes left, putting Los Angeles up by four and sending the crowd of 18,997 into a frenzy.

Garnett answered with a jumper to draw the Celtics within two, but Gasol’s three-point play with 1:28 left put the Lakers on top 88-83. Gasol then blocked a 3-pointer by Allen, setting up Trevor Ariza for a dunk that gave Los Angeles a seven-point lead with 1:12 to go. Bryant’s basket completed the scoring.

“It was my first Christmas game, and I’m obviously blessed to be here,” Garnett said. “There’s a reason why teams are playing on this special day, so it had a playoff energy and a playoff atmosphere to it, absolutely. It’s tough when you lose against anybody. We probably took a step back, but hats off to a good Laker team. Pau made big shots when he had to and Kobe put stress on the defense.”

Boston’s Eddie House made his only basket with 8:09 remaining to tie it at 75. Neither team led by more than two points after that until the Lakers took command.

Pierce scored five points and Allen added three during an 8-0 run that put Boston ahead 64-62. Then, with Bryant on the bench, Odom made two 3-pointers, and the Lakers outscored the Celtics 9-3 to finish the third period and take a 71-67 lead.

Vujacic scored eight points and Bryant added six during a 16-5 run to begin the second quarter, giving the Lakers a 39-29 lead—largest in the game for either team—and they were on top 51-45 at halftime.

Neither team led by more than three in the first quarter, which ended with the Celtics on top 24-23. Boston shot 61.1 percent to 47.6 percent for the Lakers, but committed six of its 18 turnovers.

Notes

Boston’s Glen Davis returned to action after missing two games because of a concussion sustained in a traffic accident last Sunday, and had four points and four rebounds in 13 minutes. … The Lakers played without backup point guard Jordan Farmar, who underwent knee surgery Wednesday and will be sidelined approximately eight weeks. … The game marked the first time in NBA history that two teams met with so few losses (seven) this late in the season. … The game was the 10th straight for the Lakers on Christmas. They have an overall record of 20-15 on Christmas including 11-6 at home. … It was the Celtics’ first game on Christmas since 2002. They have a 10-15 record, going 9-15 on the road and 1-0 at a neutral site. They have never played at home on Christmas. … The game was the first on Christmas between the teams since 1970, when the Lakers won a 123-113 home decision.

And now for the updated standings....

2008-2009 Conference Regular Season Standings
Eastern Conference
Eastern	W	L	PCT	GB	CONF	DIV	HOME	ROAD	L 10	STREAK
Boston1	27	3	0.900	0.0	20-1	6-0	17-1	10-2	9-1	L 1
Cleveland2	24	4	0.857	2.0	15-3	6-1	14-0	10-4	9-1	W 4
Orlando3	23	6	0.793	3.5	10-2	3-1	13-3	10-3	9-1	W 6
Atlanta4	18	10	0.643	8.0	13-7	6-0	12-2	6-8	6-4	W 3
Detroit5	15	11	0.577	10.0	11-7	5-0	8-5	7-6	5-5	W 1
Miami6	15	12	0.556	10.5	7-6	3-2	9-5	6-7	7-3	W 3
New Jersey7	14	14	0.500	12.0	8-9	3-2	5-10	9-4	4-6	W 1
Milwaukee8	14	16	0.467	13.0	9-10	2-4	8-4	6-12	6-4	W 3
Chicago	13	15	0.464	13.0	6-10	2-4	10-3	3-12	5-5	L 1
Philadelphia	12	16	0.429	14.0	8-13	2-4	7-8	5-8	4-6	L 2
New York	11	16	0.407	14.5	6-11	1-3	7-5	4-11	3-7	L 4
Toronto	11	17	0.393	15.0	9-9	2-5	5-8	6-9	3-7	W 1
Indiana	10	18	0.357	16.0	6-15	0-6	6-7	4-11	3-7	L 1
Charlotte	10	19	0.345	16.5	5-14	2-4	8-10	2-9	3-7	W 1
Washington	4	22	0.154	21.0	2-18	0-7	3-12	1-10	1-9	L 7
Western Conference
Western	W	L	PCT	GB	CONF	DIV	HOME	ROAD	L 10	STREAK
L.A. Lakers1	24	5	0.828	0.0	16-1	6-1	15-1	9-4	7-3	W 3
San Antonio2	19	10	0.655	5.0	15-6	4-3	11-5	8-5	8-2	W 4
Houston3	19	10	0.655	5.0	14-7	4-3	9-3	10-7	7-3	L 1
Denver4	18	11	0.621	6.0	13-9	4-2	10-4	8-7	5-5	L 1
New Orleans5	16	9	0.640	6.0	12-5	3-1	9-4	7-5	7-3	L 2
Portland5	18	11	0.621	6.0	10-9	3-3	10-2	8-9	5-5	W 1
Dallas7	16	11	0.593	7.0	9-7	4-2	8-6	8-5	7-3	W 2
Phoenix8	16	12	0.571	7.5	9-9	1-2	9-6	7-6	5-5	L 1
Utah	17	13	0.567	7.5	12-2	5-0	10-4	7-9	5-5	L 2
Memphis	9	19	0.321	14.5	6-14	1-7	7-8	2-11	5-5	L 4
L.A. Clippers	8	20	0.286	15.5	6-14	0-4	3-11	5-9	5-5	L 2
Golden State	8	22	0.267	16.5	5-8	1-1	4-7	4-15	3-7	L 2
Sacramento	7	22	0.241	17.0	7-16	3-3	5-9	2-13	2-8	L 4
Minnesota	4	23	0.148	19.0	2-18	1-7	2-11	2-12	0-10	L 13
Oklahoma City	3	26	0.103	21.0	2-13	1-2	2-13	1-13	1-9	L 2

Wow This is Really a Story!

This is proof that people need to get a fucking life. Who the hell cares if she has two rings? If a woman can be lucky enough to get a man who can buy her two rings then more power to her. This isn't from a tabloid or anything, but the San Francisco Chronicle, online edition. Damn, they had no other news....

Beyonce's 'Fake' Engagement Ring

Beyonce Knowles has two engagement rings, and switches to a less expensive "fake" when she's onstage and out in public.

When the superstar's spouse Jay-Z popped the question last year he presented her with a stunning $5 million, 18-carat diamond ring, and also gave her a much cheaper $5,000 imitation for concerts and parties.

A source tells Star magazine, "Even though Beyonce's real engagement ring is insured, she doesn't always feel comfortable wearing such a valuable stone."

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=33792

Midnight: A Gangster Love Story

So I just finished reading the book, and damn Sister Souljah did such a great job. I think that every single man and woman need to read this book. Midnight was only 14 years old just about the entire book, yet he seemed so much older and wiser. Because if his Islamic religion, he respected women, his family and himself. Although he had to deal with the temptations of Brooklyn, girls and even advances from older women, he held true to his beliefs. In a world such as New York, where it is so easy to loose yourself, he kept true to everything. As a young boy he transforms in to a man, when he takes Akemi as his wife, under the eyes of Allah and some witnesses. He even has to deal with his interracial relationship from being a with a Japanese girl, and catching the evil eyes from Black women. He dealt with so much at such a young age, and yet kept my respect the entire book.

After reading the book, I started thinking about how much women can ruin a man's life. Don't get all defensive women, but its just how I was feeling after wards. Midnight took so much care and consideration in taking care of his mother and younger sister. They were his world. Think about how many young men abandon their mothers for the love of the streets, the money and the hood. He never conformed in this story. He continued to pick his mother up from work every single day, and protect her from all men. Including having to murder someone who fell in love with his mother, after seeing her uncovered. Any challenge that came to him, he dealt with it. Even though all the so-called "flyest" women threw themselves at him, he kept his composure, because he not only didn't want to get involved, but he couldn't. His religion required that he waited until he got married to make love. Think about how many fast ass women take the virginity of men. I'm not in defense of men, because I know there are double that amount that take it from women. But do women even respect themselves enough to keep their virginity anymore? I don't know, i haven't been one for quite awhile. But if I could do it over again, i wish I would have waited for my soul mate, my true love and my husband.


Souljah make you look at women from a much different perspective, than The Coldest Winter Ever. Through Winter's eyes, she was always right, but now after reading Midnight's side of the story, so to speak, I understand why he rejected her. He rejected all those whorish women, who rocked their mini skirts and short shorts and halter tops. Women who most men would be all over, he rejected them. He went for someone who was a genius. I mean this girl, Akemi, was a fucking genius. She was gentle, she was feminine and she was a virgin. I wonder if men can really smell the desperation in women, especially when they throw themselves all over them. How can us women allow our portrayals to be so bad? And even worse, how can men take advantage of us in our times of weakness? They should be stronger, like Midnight, and hold their composure, like he was able to do. I don't understand what went wrong when it comes to our community and our people.

Its like everyone started in one place, and ended up all over the place. The only thing that upset me was how it ended, but I'm sure Souljah has jumped way ahead of everyone and left it up to our imagination. After all, we do know what happened to Midnight when dealing with Santiaga, and Winter. But even then he was so mysterious. Now we can understand why he was so mysterious and what really weighed on his heart, was his true love who he may or may not have lost. Damn, Winter just didn't know, she was so out of his league. And what I love the most about him, was his mysteriousness, and how he kept his religion and love for himself only. There was no need for him to explain himself to Winter, because she wouldn't understand, like most of those hood girls didn't. Yet they all fell madly in love with him. Its the most mysterious of men that attract women. And there are still those guys who brag, talk shit, and spit game at girls. Maybe they will realize that all of that doesn't work, and its the quiet guys that get the girls.

All I'm saying is read the book, buy the book and support your black Sister Souljah!

~JB

Fashion obsessions

Okay so I found this dress that I absolutely love. I don't like the way it looks on the model, but I think I could fill it out a little better. I would prefer it in pink, but I could live with the color either way. Its a Monique Lhuillier, who I adore. Her fashions are gorgeous yet young and hip. I actually like her wedding dresses, and I'm not a huge fan of the long gowns. But her gowns still show a woman's shape, even though most of the models are shapeless. But this dress, I could wear to the reception after the wedding. I saw it a year ago in a magazine and took a photo of it, and I saw it recently while searching her site. I like shorter dresses, and the material on this dress looks so delicate and soft and feminine. I would even wear this as a wedding dress, just because of the simplicity. I don't like all that fancy beading, lace and white silk. I'm more of a modern type of person, who also likes to be plain and not too outlandish.

I also found this pink silk, chiffon top that I think is so adorable. The bright color is pretty. Pink is my absolute favorite color if you haven't noticed. I like halter tops too, but I like them to be feminine, not tacky and made of cheap material. I think the last time I owned a cotton or cheap halter top, I was twelve or thirteen. This top is fun and flirty. I forgot who the designer was though, oops.



And finally, 2009, I decided to invest in a Gucci bag. I have Louis Vuitton and a few Coach bags, but I love this Gucci bag. I like the cloth they use and their big leather handles. Plus my Louis Vuitton bag is a handle bag, so I can't put it on my shoulder, which gets annoying. And my bigger Coach bag is should bag, but I can't put as much stuff in it as I would like. So I will be purchasing this bag in the new year, there is no doubt about that.