Happy Birthday Daddy

Today is my dad's birthday...I took him to the airport. He goes to North Carolina every year for his birthday. The last time that I saw him was May 2008 when I was unemployed and I needed to borrow money. So for his birthday present, I finally paid him back, and took him to the airport. It feels very strange when I'm around him now. Because we haven't been apart of each other's lives for a long time. Its not any one's fault in particular, we just fell out of touch. I stopped calling and he stopped calling. When my parents separated in 1996, I went to live with my mom, and after their divorce and custody battles, my mom received full custody. My dad was angry and upset, because of how my mom left him. I was hurt too. I was still young and very much a daddy's girl. His anger towards my mom affected our relationship as well. He was so hurt, that he just moved away. He lived up North and in North Carolina for a while. I didn't see him again until high school.

People think that fathers need to be there when little girls are young, to show them proper love from a man. Its essential for fathers to be apart of young ladies lives for their entire life. The abandonment and the hurt is still there, whether the child is 5, 15 or 25. It doesn't matter. I wish our relationship wasn't the way it is now, I want a relationship with him, but I feel like its too late. It is so hard to just pick up from what, when I was 11. We've talked about this before too...when he left, due to his anger he ruined our relationship as well. I know that I can never get that time back. Daughters need their fathers throughout their whole lives, and don't ever think differently.

And now, when my boyfriend and I talk about marriage plans, I want my father there. I don't want him to not be there. But he knows nothing of my relationship. He barely knows me. I try to tell him everything, but its hard to cram a whole year or two in to random conversations. I really want to wipe the slate clean, and start over again. But I know it won't be easy. I sort of feel like he just wants me to make the first move. To call him and to try to see him, because he gave up a long time ago. And now that I am almost 25, he doesn't feel like I need him in my life. But I do.

I've reached the point where I can't cry about the situation anymore, but I am willing to do whatever I need to do, to make it right. I just would like some sort of cooperation as well.

So, 2 years ago, I started Dear Daddy. Dear Daddy is basically letters written to people's fathers. Originally, it was too hard for me to talk to him, so I would write him letters, explaining how I felt, and how much I was hurt. I focused so much on the pain...those letters took most of my pain away. It was very therapeutic. Then I started thinking about my friends, many of us have daddy issues. Many women, especially black women have daddy issues too. Its hard! Its really hard. I went out to all my friends through e-mail, and asked them to write letters to their daddies. I wanted them to submit a Dear Daddy letter...whether or not they wanted to thank their fathers, or tell them how they felt. The relationship didn't have to be negative, just whatever you wanted to tell him. And then, I thought bigger! I reached out to members of my family, young and old, and asked them to write letters to their fathers. My younger cousins to my grandmother. Whatever they want to tell their fathers, just get it out! Don't hold back, life is too short. But then, I thought....wait this needs to go bigger, wider...well, that is when I had to stop.

Due to my PR job, and the demanding time...my 11 hour days, I couldn't focus anymore on the letters, and I couldn't follow up with people. But now I want to again. I think it would make a great book of published letters. My ideas are copy written and so are my letters and my friend's letters...so don't try to steal my idea, or you will get sued. :)

But I wanted to start a Dear Daddy Letter foundation....For all the soldiers who have died in battle, and their children who may never know them. Or even for the soldiers that are still alive, they can read their children's letters to them in a published book. I'm still working out the kinks...but I don't want my problem with my father to be the end all. I know I am not alone. There are many women and men who have things to say to their fathers that they were never able to say. If you would like more information, send me a message or an e-mail to: jb.roughdraft@gmail.com

~ JB