In the December issue of Essence, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith interview each other and discuss their relationship, their love for each other and how it has changed over the last 11 years. They are the most sincere, honest and real couple that is out there in
Jada: …When man and woman come together, it’s all about creation. That’s our purpose in being together. We’ve created love, we’ve created a family, we create power and unity. We’re constantly changing. I think people get into the concept of being constant in their relationships. That’s a huge mistake because things are going to change. It doesn’t matter if you’re going forward or backward, you’re going to be moving.
I thought about all the things that Will and Jada said to each other, and of course I asked my significant other some questions. We always have discussions about what we want from life, and how are we achieving our goals. We try to make sure that we can help each other achieve our greatness by supporting one another. Its one thing to talk about what you’re doing in your relationship, and it’s another thing to actually do it. I think a lot of couples just exist. They’re together and even though they may love each other, eventually they stop showing their love. Having discussions about where your relationship is, and where its going. Life is all about the next steps, and people shouldn’t think they’ve reached their limit, even in their relationship. Marriage is not the end all. Although your relationship status may be at the limit of classification, your love for one another can continue to grow stronger, and it should grow stronger.
Jada said that, “you’ve got to create what you want in a relationship.” So I asked my man, E, what he wants from a relationship, and he said happiness.
ER: I just want to be happy. I want both of us to be happy. I want things in our lives to run smooth.
JB : That is life though…things don’t always run smooth
ER: But I want them to. I want you to be happy all the time.
JB: But I’m happy in our relationship all the time
ER: I am too. Relationship wise I couldn’t ask for anything more. I want a house and more money though. Everyday I’m thankful for everything that we have. I never thought I would have all of this or you for that matter, or your heart. I’m so happy to have you and be with you.
JB: People have to be happy on their own.
ER: Yeah, people have to be happy with themselves first. If you can’t be happy with yourself, then you can’t be happy with someone else.
JB: Do you think that happiness is missing in other relationships? Like people being happy with themselves and loving themselves
ER: Yeah
JB: Do you think in the beginning of our relationship, we had all of this happiness?
ER: I would say yes. I would say it was harder, because you were just getting over a relationship. For me, I was happy with myself. I had just reached that point of happiness with myself, so when we met, it just continued to help me even more.
JB: I think in the beginning, because I was coming out of a relationship, an abusive one, and I was only 18, that I was definitely not happy with myself. I really didn’t become happy with my self until a few years ago. I used to hate myself, because of what I went through before you. And as a teenager you’re always insecure. You were 25 when we met, so you just got through that point that I’m coming up to now. I’ll be 25 next year.
But because I wasn’t happy with me, I was more insecure in the beginning of our relationship, and I was still learning who I was.
ER: Yes. I knew that. What do you really want from me and this relationship? Because I’m simple…I just want happiness
JB: Honestly, I don’t know what I want. I want you, and that’s all.
ER: You have me, so what else? You confuse me, because sometimes you want to get married, sometimes you don’t, sometimes you want a big wedding, sometimes you want to just run off and elope. What do you want?
JB: I don’t want you to feel like, you have to buy my love, or just concentrate on my feelings so much. I’m an emotional creature, and I’m very indecisive. My mind goes everywhere all the time.
ER: Yes this is true.
JB: So, why can’t you decide for us? Since it’s so simple.
ER: I can, but I want it to be what you want. I can just go to court and get married and be happy. To me its not a big deal, it’s for us.
JB: So, if we do that, then we have more money to spend on my ring.
ER: LOL! And how about the honeymoon!
JB: Yes, I want to go to
ER: I don’t think it really has. It just got deeper, because I love you unconditionally. You try to make me angry sometimes, like when you want to pick a fight. And I don’t fight; I don’t get upset that easily with you.
JB: I pick fights because that is my nature.
ER: Well change it
JB: I don’t like where this conversation is going. You’re supposed to love me for me, picking fights and all. Can we get back on track now? So your love hasn’t changed for me?
ER: Like I said it’s gotten deeper and stronger, even though I fell in love instantly with you.
JB: My love for you was so strong in the beginning that I don’t know how much stronger it can get. Actually I’m scared what will happen if it gets any stronger. What do you think has kept us together for all these years? These difficult age years, not difficult as in you and me, but tough times in our age groups, with me in college, and you entering your late 20’s, most people are just finding themselves and not really in serious relationships. I feel like I had to grow up a lot faster than maybe I should have, but I’ve always been old for my age…it’s the only child syndrome, especially with a single parent.
ER: I think what made us last this long is our understanding of each other, and where we’re at. We discuss things, and talk about things. We try to be open and honest with each other. Neither one of us are afraid to tell our feelings to each other. We understand reality, as opposed to all that other bullshit. I think that helped us out. Including how much we care and love one another.
JB: I always think that other people’s relationships are strange, because it’s not ours. What do you think about that?
ER: It’s hard to understand other people’s relationships, when they fight and argue about stupid shit. They get jealous and worry about what the other one is doing all the time. Its like are they really worried about the other person, or are they just insecure about themselves? It’s not really because I’m older that I feel that way, because you feel that way to.
JB: So you’re saying we have unconditional trust too.
ER: Yeah. I’m just more concerned with you being safe; I’m not worried about you messing around with another guy. That happened to me before, and you know how I felt in those other relationships, and what I would do if you ever cheated. I told you from the beginning that you’re stuck with me for ever. You always get off for a crime of passion.
JB: That is terrible. Don’t say that you’ll kill me if I cheat on you. I would leave you if you cheated, but I don’t even want to think about it.
ER: I couldn’t even think about trying to cheat on you. It wouldn’t be an option. One, I’m not that type of person anyways, Two it’s too much work, I can’t hide and sneak around and worry about people calling me. All the stress, I’d give myself a heart attack. And then I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and I wouldn’t be able to look at you in the face. I can’t lie to you as it is.
JB: I can’t lie to you either, even when I try to keep things from you, I always tell you. I can’t keep a secret to save my life. I love you and what we have too much to cheat on you. It’s not worth it.
ER: No its not. We’ve been through too much to cheat now. And you keep me satisfied, so I don’t need anyone else.
JB: That’s right. What about the rumor of no sex after marriage? Do you think that is true?
ER: No, not for us.
JB: But we’re not married
ER: It better not happen
JB: I think we’re both addicted to sex with each other.
ER: I’m definitely addicted
JB: So how do you think our wedding would be? I just feel like the universe would explode on that day. Just because of our intense feelings for each other. I still get butterflies when you’re next to me. And I get so excited when you come from work, but I try to hide it sometimes, because I don’t want you to think I’m a dork.
ER: Well, I know you’re a dork. I still get excited when I come home or when you come home. For our wedding, no matter what we do, I think it will be the best day of our life.
JB: Sometimes, I get afraid of just letting go. You know how controlling I can be. What can you do to help me to relax and let go?
ER: I don’t know what I can do. You need to be relaxed and take it easy. You should just let it go. All the holding back should be gone by now
JB: But I like to control things
ER: You gotta let go sometime. If you don’t let go sometime, you’ll never experience the fullness of happiness and love
JB: I’ll work on it…it will be my New Year’s Resolution. So far I’ve held up to my other one. To love myself more
ER: Yes you have. And I can tell the difference
JB: Oh yeah, how?
ER: Just in your attitude, not anything negative. Just your attitude at work and when you’re out.
JB: What is your advice, now that it’s been 6 years, for other couples who are just starting out?
ER: Just to be honest with themselves and with each other. If it’s not working, you might as well not be in it. If you’re just in a relationship to be in it, you might as well not waste your time. You also need trust. You have to trust one another. If I didn’t trust you I would go crazy. People are afraid to walk away, just because they want to stay in a relationship. If you really didn’t love me or care for me, then we wouldn’t be here. I’m too old for that; you might as well be by yourself. People need to listen to their hearts.
JB: I totally agree with you. There are way too many people that get trapped in a relationship that has no love, just comfort. That is why the divorce rate is so damn high. I think that is my main problem with marriage. It’s all the people that get married, just because. Just because it’s the thing to do.
ER: And that is why we’re not in a rush. To me, the whole wedding thing is a show. We know how much we love each other.
JB: You’re talking about the wedding, I’m talking about what happens afterwards
ER: But people get married for the show, the wedding, not for one another. That is where the problem is.
JB: My advice is to take time and get to know yourself first. Think about you first before you can worry about any one else. You have to be able to love yourself…all of yourself first. I can’t stress that enough.
Read the Essence article of Will and Jada interviewing each other….its good!
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