Same-sex Marriage

On Monday June 16^th same-sex marriage became temporarily legal in California. Same-sex marriages were being held across the street from my job at the West Hollywood park. There were white tents covering the whole park. One for the marriage license, and several for whichever denomination someone identified with. For example if you needed a rabbi, he was there; a priest, he was there, a minister or justice of the peace. They were all there conducting marriages left and right.

Anyways, a couple came into my office wearing two stickers on their shirts that read, “We are legally married.” They said that they just woke up and decided to get married. They have been together for 19 years or so. It was the most beautiful and simplistic decision that a couple can make. They seemed so happy, relaxed and calm. Their decision to get married and to continue to spend the rest of their life together almost brought tears to my eyes.

Now I don’t want you to think that I have gone soft on my opinions of marriage, its just the fact that same-sex couples have had to deal with so much over the decades that its great that out of all of the complication that they deal with on a daily basis, they can just have something so simple at the end of the day. I’m not going to argue or deny their rights but their struggles are some what similar to what couples in my situation have dealt with.

From Wikipedia - Proponents of same-sex marriage make a comparison between racial segregation and segregation of homosexual and heterosexual marriage classifications in civil law.^[75] They argue that dividing the concept of same-sex marriage and different-sex marriage is tantamount to "separate but equal" policies (like that overturned in the U.S. Supreme Court case Brown v. Board of Education), or anti-miscegenation laws that were also overturned by the Supreme Court in 1967 in Loving v. Virginia.

Interracial couples were also denied the right to marry or even be together up until the late 60s. To this day there are many people who don’t want to accept seeing an interracial couple together. I can imagine that for those same people, seeing a same-sex couple together makes them feel the same way. My boyfriend and I have had our share of issues and struggles even in the year 2008. The simplest things that couples do have been denied to us, because I’m African American and he is Italian/Scottish American.

Four years ago we wanted to adopt a puppy from the Pasadena Humane Society and the people who worked there wouldn’t even let us pet the puppies. When we decided on one that we liked, we had the money and the authorization from our land lord to adopt, but they still refused us. They wanted to put us on a waiting list for this puppy, and they took us to the back room, like we were criminals. When we left, there was a little girl with her father, both white, holding the same puppy that we wanted.

We had trouble finding an apartment, because no one wanted to rent to us. We get shit when we go to dinner, when we go shopping, everywhere we go and just about anything we do there is always someone who wants to give us shit. We started becoming uncomfortable going out in public, and we were more conscious to the fact that people were constantly staring at us. Although our issues may be more tolerable than what some same-sex couples have gone through or are still going through, I feel a connection to their struggles.

It seemed to me that since the couple has gone through so much in their relationship, why make marriage and wedding complicated? Getting married should be for the two people, and it shouldn’t be a huge show. Love crosses all types of boundaries and it doesn’t matter what race, sex, size or class a person is. The only person who can prevent you from loving another person is yourself. People shouldn’t allow what others say to dictate your life choices, your love and your heart.

Love should be simple, not complicated. Every decision, including marriage plans shouldn’t cause you stress. Love is not meant to be stressful, nor selfish, or harsh. Love should be the best feeling in the world. It should be the reason you have a smile on your face day after day. The reason you wake up in the morning. Even if you are single, the love you have for yourself should get you out of bed in the morning.

My theory is, if you have love, you have happiness, health, beauty and power. Love should be able to deliver all of those things, and if it doesn’t then you need to reevaluate your situation.

Congratulations to all of the same-sex couples in California who got married this week and to all HAPPY couples who are TRULY in LOVE.

Gossip

Why are we so obsessed with other people’s lives?

I watched Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette last week and I started thinking about gossip. Throughout the whole movie people were constantly whispering about her, wherever she walked, anything and everything she did, people gossiped. Gossip, is such a nasty word, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Yet, I, like many many other people am guilty of gossiping.

It led me to wonder, why are we so obsessed with other people’s lives? In my celebrity driven culture of Los Angeles, I am bombarded with the lives of other people. Celebrities all over the news, I love tabloids, although the last time I read one was over 5 weeks ago, so I have no idea what is going on. I don’t think I even want to know anymore.

The worst thing about gossiping is the lies. How do we know that whoever is getting married or is pregnant? And honestly who cares? It is a pleasurable thing for people to read and gossip about others, because it helps us escape our own realities. During my unemployment phase I had to face my reality face to face. I couldn’t escape it by reading US Weekly or turning on TMZ. I was unemployed, broke and a month away from being out on my ass. Granted my unemployment was a decision that I chose to make for myself, to better my life. And I highly doubt that any of those celebrities would have helped me during my stressful period.

I hate when people gossip about me. I’m sure everyone feels like that, but the thing about me is that my life is an open book. Against my mother’s wishes, I don’t mind sharing things about myself. I am a writer, and the most important thing about writing, is being honest to your readers. I can’t lie about frivolous things when I write. Everything comes out in the open. I beg you, to never gossip or talk shit about me behind my back because unlike those stories you read about Angelina Jolie or whoever, you can just ask me. I like to play this game of 20 questions for people who don’t know me. They can ask me what ever they want. I don’t have anything to hide. It might be a bad thing to be so open, but I like to go in to every situation with my eyes wide open so I know what I could be getting in to.

No secrets between my boyfriend and I, even if I tried to do something to surprise him, I end up telling him anyways. There was this article in Maxim a few months ago about how much women lie during the dating or wooing process with men. The things people lie about are so ridiculous. According to this article women lied about their age (I’m 24), their weight (I weigh 123), their past lovers and/or relationships (5/3) and the age they were when they first lost their virginity (14). Now you may or may not be shocked by my numbers above, but I don’t really care, because I am honest and I don’t feel like I have anything to hide.

Gossiping is such a nasty addiction and I am on my way to recovery for it. I don’t want to talk about people, especially people that I don’t know behind their backs anymore. There are more important things going on in this world than gossiping. So I pose my 20 questions to all the strangers who read my blog, ask me any thing you want, and I will answer the questions honestly. And for the people who know me, and gossip about me, please ask me, I will tell you how I feel about any and everything.

Women as dream killers

Why do women have such a bad reputation with killing men’s dreams? Just let them be! Every single guy I know has some sort of dream in their lives, and it seems that either their women or girlfriends crush their dreams. I have some advice for those women; he will HATE you once he realizes what you’ve done. When he is sitting there reminiscing about all the goals and dreams that he wanted to pursue, but never got a chance to.

On the flip side, I can sometime understand the reasoning for wanting to kill their dreams. If you think it’s pointless or if he won’t make any money or his talents are lacking in a certain area or field whatever the case maybe, let him figure that out for himself. A lot of women feed their men negative information about their dreams, and try to speed along the realization process. That is not the same thing as him figuring it out on his own. That is cheating ladies. Subliminal messages and other types of psychology is the same thing. You’re killing his dreams either way.

As long as he is not putting his health in jeopardy, why can’t he do whatever he wants? Men are known as being the more hands-on gender; they always have projects and other shit going on. Women, well, we tend to plan things out a lot more, especially when it comes to our futures. We want to make sure everything is taken care of, and if his “silly” dream gets in the way of our future plans, we are quick to squash it.

Women’s roles in history were to be supportive of our men, because they were the bread winners. And now that women have flipped it, over time we are more of the bread winners, we wear the pants in the house, in many cases. Regardless of how much money you make, you have to let your man be the MAN. We don’t want a generation of men who can’t think for themselves or do anything without our direction. At least I don’t, that shit annoys me when people cannot think for themselves. That is why there are so many single women out there. They can’t find a man to take care of them, because some other girl ruined him for the next girl. This is not womanhood.

I am all about letting people be themselves and do what they want with their lives. I would hate it if my man told me I could never write again. I would rather die, than loose my dreams. Even if I’m not making money, I will always write. Think about the thing that you’ve always wanted to do, and thing think about never being able to do it again. Whether or not you’re a business woman or an artist, if your job is something that you love, imagine if your man told you to quit or squashed your dreams.

In many cases a man’s dreams is all he has, I mean besides you of course. I understand if you are afraid of becoming second to his dream, but you have to trust your man and allow him to do whatever it is that makes him happy. Be supportive and be there for him. Don’t taunt him if things don’t work out because as I said before he will resent you for it sooner or later. The best thing to do is occupy your time when he is busy working one whatever it is he wants to do.

When my boyfriend is working on music, I write, I exercise, I go out with friends, I watch a movie, and I do whatever I have to do in order to give him his time. Your man will appreciate you so much more if you do these things for him. Not only does he get to have time to himself, which is hard when you’re living with someone, but he also gives me my space and time. We avoid a lot of arguments by comprising with one another.

It may come as a surprise to you that women are known for killing women’s dreams, but I talk to a lot of guys, and we do have that reputation. Men talk just as much as women do, and I know you don’t have to have a bad reputation among your man’s friends, or do you?

Missing

Sorry I've been MIA this week. I just started a new 9 to 5, so I've been getting adjusted. Plus, I've been watching the Lakers vs. Celtics every night the game has been on. They lost tonight, and they were doing so well in the first half. Damn.

I have been writing though, in my notebook, I just haven't typed it into my blog here. Also, I've been editing my story/book. I'm trying to figure out how many typed pages make a book page, to know how much I have so far. I still have a lot more to go, but I'm hoping to get it done this summer. The thing about my book is that its not my story. I'm telling some else's story, so I have to wait until they are available, and our schedules always conflict. So, we're trying to work it all out. Please be patient with me.

With Father's Day coming up I wanted to post this poem that I wrote a while ago in honor of Father's Day. I think I wrote it in 2005 but it could have been 2004.... Oh well, enjoy.

The Missing Fathers

The Missing fathers

Where are they?

I hear the children weeping for their daddy

I see the young boys throwing the ball to their mothers

I see the young girls asking, “When is daddy coming home?”

It’s Father’s Day

Where are they?

What do the mothers tell the children about daddy?

What will the excuse be this time?

Everybody stares and shakes their heads but no one wants to help

The mothers

The mothers are the true heroes on Father’s Day

The mothers are the ones that keep everything together with the children

They have Mother’s Day but they should have Father’s Day too

Where are they?

Where is he?

Where were you when I needed you the most?

Why do you only care sometimes?

Stop bragging about me, and be there for me

How can we make up for lost time?

My mother

My mother is the best mother; she deserves a gift for Father’s Day

Not you

Where are you?

Where are all the fathers?

The missing fathers on Father’s Day

Lakers vs. Celtics

I'm watching game 3 right now...its only the second quarter. I was hoping that they had learned their lesson since Sunday's game. We shall see... I'll be back to update this post.

****Update

From the half time - Boston 37 Lakers 43

My personal notes...Gasol sucks! He made 1pt. the whole first half. Gasol should be benched the rest of the game. Fisher needs to be playing more. Kobe needs to watch his attitude.


After the half -
Rondo just twisted his ankle...the little gremlin is out for a moment. Odom keeps messing up, but he's at least better than Gasol. Ok...i'll be back after the Lakers win this one.

*****Newest Update

Lakers won 87 to 81. Its about damn time. Gasol still sucks, he ruined this game for the Lakers. They could have done a whole lot better, but he was lost. He was all over the place and he seemed confused about what he was doing. I don't know how he even made it into the NBA? Odom and Fisher helped save the day, because they were trailing going into the 4th quarter.

Kobe had 36 pts. which is almost more than Garnett, Allan and Pierce had combined the whole game. He would have had more if he didn't miss all of those free throw shots, but we can't cry over spilled milk.


Hopefully they will take this momentum into games 4 and 5 and win the finals.

Didn't think I watched sports did you? ;)

Daddy

Last year I came up with this idea to publish letters from women, to their fathers. After I entered the crazy world of PR, that whole idea went out the window. My concept came from the fact that I don't have a good relationship with my father. Many women I know don't; so I thought, instead of dealing with the confrontation of talking to them, or trying to track them down in some cases, then why not write them letters.

Dear Daddy, was the name of my operation. Problems arose, because #1, no one wrote letters and #2, I wanted to reach more women. Why is that women have so many issues with their fathers? A lot of women I know, have never met their fathers, and some have lost their fathers. I didn't want to depress people, with a whole book about missing daddies, so I asked some of my friends, the ones who have children, to have their kids write a letter to their fathers as well. I know not everyone has a bad relationship with their dads. I didn't until my parents divorced, but I was too young to realize the importance a father plays in the roll of a teenage girl's life.

I never understood why other girls, whose parents were also divorced, were able to see their fathers all the time. And why my dad disappeared for four years. But these are questions that I have had to figure out the answers to on my own, without me actually asking my dad.

But it wasn't until last year, when I graduated college that more things became clear to me. My mother told me that when I was in high school, my dad told people that I would probably end up pregnant, and drop out of school. I've never actually heard these words out of his mouth, but that is what she told me. So when I graduated college, he was there, and I was happy to have his presence. A week before the graduation, he was upset that I didn't invite his family who live in North Carolina. I told him, those invitations cost $60 for only 25, and if he wanted more for his family, then he should have given me the money. See, my dad thought because he was forced to pay child support and alimony, that he didn't have to pay for anything else. From the time I was 19 until last year, he was done paying for me.

To make a long story short, my mother planned this surprise graduation party for me, because she was so happy. My boyfriend's parents even flew out from NYC to come to my graduation and party. It was really nice. I'm known for speaking my mind, and telling the truth about any and everything. So during my, "speech" I thanked everyone who helped me through college. My mom and my aunt both worked two jobs to help me buy books, pay for tuition, parking passes, etc... and my grandparents, bless their hearts, cleaned people's homes and backyards so they could give me a lot of $ for graduation. My family is not rich, but they are supportive, and helpful. So I didn't thank my father. He didn't help me with anything. My mother asked him to help her with the surprise party, 3 months in advance, but he didn't want to participate. They paid $600, my mother and my aunt for the party. But it as worth it. I'm the first grandchild to graduate college in 10 years, so my family had to show love.

Needless to say, my father was upset. He was ready to start a scene at the party, but he was escorted out by my uncles, aunts, godmothers and godfathers, you know how families are. Why am I telling you all of this? These words keep waking me up every morning. And every father's day I think, should i even get him a card. Should I get him anything? I spoked to him for the first time since that incident a few weeks ago. I needed money to help get me through the month, since I'm temporarily unemployed. He helped me out, and we've stayed in contact since then.

I started thinking about these letters again, and how nice it would be to get them published. Regardless of the type of relationship you have with your dad, whether you want to thank him, praise him, pray for him. Whether you've met him or not, or if he abandoned you. This Father's Day, write him a letter. Let him know how you feel. Writing helps me get all of my thoughts out, writing is therapeutic and I know it will help you too.

Dear Daddy...

Map Of What Was Destroyed